We hear great advice all the time!
From the words of wisdom from our grandmothers, to the radio snippets, to the blogs we read—we are inundated with tips, tools, and secrets to making our relationships better. You consume as much content as you possibly can, and yet you are still struggling in your relationship. Why is that?
If you find yourself struggling its probably because humans are overstimulated with information. Your conscious brain can only retain a fraction of what you take in every day. You forget the rest. You have every intention of remembering the great tips you heard, but they slip out of your head before you can actually begin to practice them.
We hear great advice all the time!
Ron and I have worked with thousands of couples since he was released from prison. As we coach couples, we have discovered the top 7 relationship tips that couples forget. Couples don’t mean to, they just get caught back up into old habits and then forget the new, amazing, and brilliant tips they meant to practice. Practice makes permanent. You have been practicing unhealthy behaviors that have now become permanent in how you relate to each other. When you begin to practice a new, healthy way of connecting to each other—over time those behaviors will become permanent. If you do not practice the advice you get, there is a good chance you revert to your typical behavior.
Here are the top 7 relationship tips that couples forget:
- Remember HALT. If you or your partner are Hungry, Angry, Late or Tired, do not try to have a meaningful conversation or resolve conflict.
- WAIT- We Are In Together. This is a reminder that you are on the same team. You are not enemies or opponents; but rather teammates. When you remember WAIT before you respond, you will connect instead of create conflict.
- Don’t let the issue come between you. As long as you are on the same side, you are a team ready to take on any challenge. If you let the challenge come between you, you move to opposite sides. Take the issue and put it in front of you together so you can resolve it instead of fighting to be right.
- Date often. Don’t let the busyness drive you apart. Set date nights and keep them so your relationship stays your number one priority.
- Touch each other. Hold hands, stroke each other’s faces… just engage in skin-on-skin in any way you are able to. Touch reduces stress, increases emotional connectedness, and then releases bonding hormones.
- Listen to each other. Don’t just hear your partner, actually listen to what they are saying to you. Listening includes watching for non-verbal cues about how they are feeling.
- Talk about each other. Tell others about the great attributes of your partner. Talking strengthens your relationship in 3 major ways (and lots of minor ones!)— it also reminds you how great your spouse is; discourages unwanted advances from “would-be” pursuers; and lets your spouse know they can trust you to keep their name safe in your mouth.
When you are ready to transform your relationship– start practicing these often forgotten tips and watch your marriage turn around!
I am rooting for you!
Cathy