Trust is one of the greatest assets you can have. Once it is lost, it can take a lifetime to rebuild. We hear this often from the facilitators that work with families with a loved one in prison. A loss of trust can feel like a loss of a loved one, dividing even the closest of friends and causing a rift in families. While it’s true that trust is hard to repair once lost, it is far from impossible. If you have lost the trust others, here are a few ways to make this right again. Remember, rebuilding trust after it’s been broken is challenging, but with patience, transparency, and consistent effort, it’s possible. Here are steps that might help:
1. Acknowledge the Breach and Take Responsibility
- Start by taking full accountability for your role in breaking trust, even if there were external factors involved. Avoiding defensiveness and excuses can show sincerity and self-awareness.
2. Apologize Sincerely
- Offer a genuine apology that reflects an understanding of how your actions affected the other person. Apologize without expecting immediate forgiveness and without minimizing their feelings.
3. Be Transparent
Be open about what happened and why, and provide as much context as is appropriate. Secrecy fuels suspicion, while transparency helps to clear the air and show you’re willing to be vulnerable.
4. Show Consistent Behavior
- Trust isn’t rebuilt in a single moment but over time. Consistent, reliable actions—especially when it comes to small promises—demonstrate that you’re committed to being trustworthy again.
5. Communicate Openly and Actively Listen
- Create a space where both of you can openly express feelings, doubts, and needs without judgment. Actively listening to the other person can help them feel valued and heard.
6. Be Patient and Respect Their Boundaries
- Rebuilding trust takes time, and they may need space or different boundaries while they heal. Respect their pace and avoid pressuring them to “move on” too quickly.
7. Seek Professional Help if Needed
- Therapy or counseling can provide a safe environment to work through deeper trust issues, especially if they’re causing ongoing strain.
8. Demonstrate Change
- Reflect on what led to the break in trust and make concrete changes to avoid repeating the same mistake. Follow through on any commitments you make to improve.
Rebuilding trust is about showing, rather than just saying, that things will be different.