We all want a strong relationship.
We dream of being supported, loved, admired, cherished, and respected by our partner. Fun, excitement, and adventure are all important to us as well. We want to be swept off our feet; but on our terms. Most likely, we are not getting everything we hope for from our relationship.
The chances are pretty good that it is not all his fault that you are not happy with the condition of your relationship. Let’s face it, ladies, we are a little complicated. We don’t always clearly communicate what we want and yet we expect our husbands to just know how we feel and what we need from them. I used to wait for the day that Ron could read my mind and know sometimes when I said I was OK, I meant it – and other times I really was not OK and I wanted him to call me back as soon as our call ended. There were times when he picked up on my unspoken needs, but there were also times that he missed my clues and I was left feeling lonely and hurt. When I was upset, my husband Ron was left confused. Poor guy!
When your husband is in prison, communication becomes even more important.
Misunderstandings and hurt feelings can drag on as unresolved for weeks. You only have a limited amount of time you can spend together, so you must be intentional about building your relationship up. I have seen a lot of couples fall apart because they do things (some of them unintentionally) that are ruining their relationship.
There are five major things you might be doing that are ruining your relationship.
You need to know what they are and you must stop doing them right now if you want to make it through this prison experience together. The five top relationship destroying actions are:
- Telling each other it is OK if they cheat on you. If your husband tells you this, you should tell him to stop it. This will kill trust and love in your relationship faster than anything else.
- Comparing him to another man. If you catch yourself saying things like, “why can’t you be more like this man…” or any other statement that compares him to another man, you are setting yourself up for failure. His fears of not being good enough for you, and of you finding someone else are being confirmed; every time you mention another man. He cannot compete against someone else for your attention in the outside world. Your husband will feel inadequate and scared. His emotional walls will come up and your relationship will fall apart.
- Reminding him of all his mistakes. He already knows what he did wrong. When you focus on the past, you cannot enjoy the present nor can you prepare for the future. Yes, you need to work together to overcome the hurts and disappointments from the past. However, reminding him of his mistakes is definitely NOT working through the issues together. It is just adding to the distance between you.
- Using your power over him. Right now, you hold all of the power in your relationship if you choose to. You decide if and when you visit him, write him, accept calls from him. If you withhold communication as punishment, you are operating in a power/control mindset. This unhealthy approach to your relationship will surely backfire. Nobody wants to be at the mercy of their partner.
- Interrupting each other while you are talking. Not listening to your partner is rude, selfish, and disrespectful. It is also a sure sign of a power struggle and underlying issues. If you cannot display a common courtesy of letting your partner finish speaking before you talk, your relationship will suffer.
What's next?
If you know you or your partner are doing these things, stop doing them right away. Treating each other with love, kindness and respect are keys to building a lasting relationship.
I am rooting for you!
Cathy