Your husband is sentenced to prison.
This reality is played out, every minute of every day you live on the outside without him. A married woman who lives like a single woman is a strange thing indeed.
One of the most common questions I get is whether it is actually cheating on your husband if he is in prison and he gives you permission to go have sex with someone else. My answer is still, “Yes! It is still cheating, and it is being unfaithful.”
This is one of my pet peeves.
This is one of my pet peeves. It drives me crazy when a man tells his wife, “I know you have needs I cannot meet right now. Go ahead and do whatever you need to do while I am locked up, just keep a place for me when I get home. Don’t have a relationship with him, but it is OK if you need to have sex with someone while you are waiting for me.” REALLY????!!!!?? You think that is OK for him to say to you? It is not.
Honoring your partner
When a man says that to his wife/partner, the real reason he is saying that is because: 1. He is afraid he will lose you if he doesn’t give you permission to have sex with other people, OR 2. He really doesn’t have any respect for you at all. Telling someone to do something that will cause them pain and dishonor is not what love looks like. Love protects, honors, and builds up. Telling someone to have random sex with strangers says, “I think you are a whore. You cannot live without sex and you will have sex with any man who is willing. I am OK with you having sex with other people as long as you have sex with me, too.” Ugh. No woman with an ounce of self-respect wants a man to treat her like that.
Telling someone to be intimate physically, but not emotionally, is wrong on many levels.
I have seen so many relationships go south because this conversation happened, and the wife listened to her husband. She did what he told her to do. Then, either she left her husband for this other man she was having sex with; or the husband left his wife when he came home because he couldn’t get over the fact that she had sex with someone else. Rarely do they stay together—and if they do, they have a lot to work through because of the infidelity. It never turns out well when someone steps out on their partner. Not even when one of the partners is in prison.
Marriage is a commitment for better or for worse. Having your husband locked up in prison is definitely on the “worst” side of your relationship promise. But it is not just about waiting for HIM. Honestly, this is more about YOU than him. What do you really want for your life, your family, your reputation. I am sure you do not want to be the failure, loser mom who is known as the town slut because you have sex for the sake of having sex. You are working on building up your family and your family legacy. Creating a new legacy takes courage, discipline, and commitment. But it is worth the effort.
Writing your family’s legacy is a part of creating a new foundation for your family. In the past, you lived your life a day at a time—not thinking about your future or your legacy. The moments became days, the days soon became months and then years. Enough is enough.
Telling someone to be intimate physically, but not emotionally, is wrong on many levels.
If all you care about is sex, then go ahead and have sex. It will leave a hollow place inside of you and complicate your life even more than it is now. You will carry regret and shame with you into the next chapter of your life with your husband. It will likely destroy your marriage and relationship eventually. If the price is worth those few minutes of physical pleasure—well, you decide. But if you care about more than momentary pleasure, and if you want greater success in your life and relationships, this small sacrifice of physical contact will cause you to reap great benefits across your lifetime.
I cannot tell you how many times I have thought to myself how very grateful I am that God carried me through 15 years while Ron was in prison and kept me faithful. He gave me wisdom, courage, and protection. He will do the same for you.
Standing against the norm is never easy.
But if you give in on this major point, you will lose ground on many minor points at the same time. And your legacy will slip further away from you. Yes, I am saying it is wrong to have sex with other people any time you are in a committed relationship or marriage. You will get hurt, your partner with be hurt, and your relationship will be damaged—maybe beyond repair.
You are worth so much more. If your husband said this to you, you need to print this blog off and send it to him with a note that lets him know you are far more valuable than he knows if he actually thinks of you as a woman who is desperate for sex.
You are worth so much more!
In case you are the husband who is telling your wife you “release her to take care of her physical needs with someone else”, this message is for you: Do not ever, ever, ever say that again. Shame on you for demeaning this amazing woman who is walking alongside you and supporting you. If you cannot treat her better than this, you do not deserve her. She is a lady and it is your job to remind her of her infinite value, not to reduce her to the lowest level of an animal who cannot control its urges. You owe her an apology and you owe her the support she needs to live up to her highest potential.–
My friend, I am rooting for you!
Cathy
For more awesome content, follow our Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/tyro365/