Loneliness is one of the hardest parts of having a husband who is in prison. Weekdays go by quickly because we are focused and busy working. But Friday night comes, and the pain of being alone settles on us.
I heard a quote that sums up what it is like to be married to someone who is in prison; “Too married to be single, yet too singe to be married”. To me that means that as a wife of a prisoner, we live our lives in society as single moms, single bread-winners, single providers. But in our hearts and minds, we live our lives as married women; dedicated to our marriage and to our husbands. It is an interesting way to live.
I call us “social widows.” We have a husband, but to society, he does not currently exist. We carry all of the burdens in the world outside of the gates, and are raising our children as single parents. Yet, we still have the privilege of having our husbands a part of our lives through visits, calls and letters.
Friday nights can be really hard if you are focusing on the things you CANNOT do. Instead try to think about the things you can do. You cannot go out on a date – unless it is with your girls or your children. You CAN create a special time for yourself and your family. Lets be honest here. The partying scene is not where you need to be when you are trying to create a new legacy for your family. That scene particularly contributed to the problems you are dealing with today.
As you create a new legacy, you must also do new things.
Being alone on Friday night can become a great thing—if you let it. You have many choices. If you choose to stay home, here is a list of fun things you can choose from: enjoy some home-cooked food (or get take-out), watch a movie, play games with your kids, read a good book, have friends over, learn something new.
If you decide to go somewhere on Friday night, make sure the place you are going is safe for your reputation. Do not go to the bar and think that it will not have any impact on your relationship with your husband. It will. Just being there invites trouble. There are a lot of other activities you can attend that will not compromise the trust you are building with your husband. Here are some great things to enjoy on a Friday night: football or basketball games, a movie, concert, a play, game night at a friends house, picnic at a park, fishing, hiking, bible studies, museums, and so many more things to do!
f you’re anything like me, then you have spent many a night trying to figure out what to do for fun, only to discover that by the time you think of the perfect activity it’s time for the kids to get ready for bed.
Make memories together
Just because your husband is not home does not mean that you have to sit in your house every weekend until he comes home. Live your life, build memories, connect with your community. Just do not do something that will damage your relationship with your husband. Always ask yourself the 3 questions: Is doing this activity going to hurt my reputation? Will it hurt my husband? Will it hurt or dishonor our family? If the answer to all of these is NO, go and enjoy yourself.
Finding fun and creative ways to make memories with you children is easy. Don’t let your thoughts about missing out on what others are doing stop you from creating a lasting legacy with your family.
I am rooting for you!