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My Man’s Home – Now What?

THE DAY has finally arrived. 

He is coming home.  If you are like me, you are also filled with excitement, but also very nervous.   A million questions swarm through your mind, but the joy of having him return home is drowning them all out. It is a new beginning! It is time to celebrate and then enjoy the moment. But tomorrow, and next week, and next month are all looming in the background—nagging you to pay attention to them in the midst of your celebration of THIS MOMENT.

The celebration of his homecoming really is the most important thing today. 

Homecoming is worthy of setting everything else aside and celebrating.  You have sooooo much to celebrate.  First, it is over!  The prison visits, the phone bills, inmate packages, emails, and the smells and sounds of the prison will soon fade into memories. Whew!  You made it!  That is another reason to celebrate. You truly conquered the fear, the judgment, the financial burden, and thus the challenges of raising your kids alone.  You are still standing strong because you have slayed this journey. Both of those are in fact reasons to celebrate.  The biggest reason to celebrate is that this is just the beginning of a brand-new adventure for him, for you, and for your family.  Now, that is a momentous occasion that does not happen often.

celebrating your man coming home from prison

The celebration of his homecoming really is the most important thing today. 

Creating a big celebration for your family as you begin the next chapter is more important than you realize.  By recognizing the enormity of what you have just overcome and the incredible opportunities in front of you, you are setting a standard for your future together.  You are declaring that you have been victorious together, and that your future is full of hope!  You will need to keep this standard at the forefront of your mind as you navigate through the coming months.  They will be full of challenges.

Major victories come by overcoming all of them minor obstacles in order to reach your goals.

Learning to live together is going to require a commitment to making it to the other side of all of the little adjustments that you will need to make in order to be successful.  Keep in mind that learning to live TOGETHER is easier than learning to live APART.  You might have to remind yourself of that in the middle of your frustration about dirty dishes, toilet seats left up, socks on the floor, and an unmade bed.  Those little things can blow up into huge issues if we don’t keep them in perspective.  After all you have struggled through, this is the final lap to becoming the strong, thriving couple and family you have dreamed of becoming when he came home.

Here are some tips to help keep you on track:

  1. Act like it is his house, too and not just yours.  When it is your house, he is a guest and his presence will soon grow annoying. Mentally prepare that you do not own everything- but that you have a partner who also has authority and ownership.
  2. Don’t pretend.  Communicate openly and honestly – all the time. When you share your feelings and opinions together, work to find a solution that is good for both of you.
  3. Release responsibilities.  By and large, talk about how you will share responsibilities together. It is no longer all your load – let him help carry the load.  Together, then decide how you will share the responsibilities and work together.  Remember you are a team.
  4. Practice respect first.  Respect is foundational to building a strong relationship and family. Show respect for each as a first priority and you will avoid a lot of conflict.  Nothing says, “I don’t care” like blatant disrespect
  5. Acknowledge that this is in fact hard work. Ultimately, you do not have to make this adjustment alone. Your family needs to know that there will be some bumps in the road that you will work through together.  If the road gets too bumpy to stay the course safely, get help. There are a lot of people and resources committed to helping you and your family succeed.  Take advantage of them.

You are on the best adventure of your lives!  Make the most of this incredible season together. 

I am rooting for you!