Our culture is always sending us messages that tell us that we are not good enough.
We look in the mirror and don’t like what we see. We look at our work and feel that it is not good enough. all of us look at our stuff and think we need something better than what we have… the list goes on and on. This is especially true when the father of your children is in prison. Read more about navigating through this.
It is so easy to get caught up in the competition mindset.
When we let our insecurities dictate our thoughts, we will always see ourselves as lacking. We will compare ourselves to others, our kids to their kids, our stuff to their stuff. Dissatisfaction will settle in, and we will live unhappy and unfulfilled lives. We will never measure up to the illusions of perfection we think we see around us. There is no such thing as perfect, so if that is what we are measuring ourselves against, we will always come up lacking.
If your husband is in prison, you are very aware of the rumors and judgement all around you.
You must remember that others’ opinions about you don’t determine your value. You do. When you let other people set the standard for your life and your family, you will live your life trying to please them – only to find out that no matter what you do, you will never please them.
The grief of having your family torn apart by prison brings feelings of shame and embarrassment with it. It is so easy to slip into insecurity. Insecurity causes you to feel inadequate, unworthy, and rejected. When you feel this way, everything becomes a value statement that reinforces your distorted view. Instead of celebrating others’ good fortune and accomplishments, jealousy rises up. You constantly feel the need to prove your value as you compare yourself to them. It becomes a vicious cycle of competition. When you let yourself live this way, you will always come out on the losing side because no matter what your achievements are, you will still believe they are not worthy in comparison to others.
It takes a really strong woman to brave this journey.
Not many can nor would do what you are doing. But you ARE doing it. AND, you are doing an incredible job of holding your family together in the midst of it. You should feel a sense of pride, not shame! Keeping your family strong and healthy is a huge accomplishment. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. There is a beauty and strength that only comes from overcoming a great challenge. Others are looking at you and asking themselves if they would be up for this challenge. They wonder if your strength makes them weak, if your endurance makes them appear soft, and if your commitment to your family makes them seem like they take theirs for granted. Read more.
You don't have to be perfect
You are not perfect, and guess what? Do you know that you don’t have to be. You are striving for healthy, and you are on the path of lifelong learning. You are a better YOU every day. Yes, you are good enough just the way you are. Your only competition is you. When you accept yourself as good enough and learn that you don’t WANT to be like everyone else, you set a new higher standard. As your children watch you live your life as YOU, they will learn to embrace their own uniqueness as well. When you are secure in your own value, your worth is no longer threatened by what others do or don’t do. You can celebrate their achievements—even while you are still working toward your own dreams.
Your greatness is a bright light. You don’t need to look like, live like, or be like anyone else to be accepted and admired. No matter where you are in your journey, you have to stop comparing yourself to others and accept the amazing beauty of your own journey. You are beautiful, your life is hard—but in the midst of it, your beauty can shine through and inspire hope in your family.
I am rooting for you!
Cathy