Has anyone ever said something really dumb to you?
I am talking about the really stupid things people say to us when our husband is in prison. The, “I cannot believe they actually said that!” stuff. I am willing to bet that you have heard a lot of things said that should never have come out of someone’s mouth. I spent 15 years of my life visiting my husband in prison. While he was in prison, people said some really ridiculous things to me.
At first, I would take ignorant comments personally. I let those words make me feel stupid, embarrassed, and self-conscious. It was really painful to hear some of the rude and judgmental things people were thinking. But over time, I realized that they were really just ignorant. They truly had no idea what they were talking about, but they felt comfortable enough around me to say whatever popped in their head.
Let's talk about prejudices
I have heard a lot of people talk about prejudices and the stupid things people say to people and I thought of all the crazy things I have heard. I know some of you are battling against the words spoken to you, so I decided to share some of the things people say. My hope is that you will see that their ignorance is not a reflection of your value.
So, here is a short list of the hundreds of dumb stuff people have said to me-
- I could never be married to a man in prison—I have more respect for myself than that
- Really??? You are joking! You are NOT married to an inmate. No way. You are way too smart for that.
- You are a pretty lady, hence you could easily find a new husband
- God must be punishing you for some sin that’s in your life
- I would never let anyone related to a prisoner watch my kids-Aren’t you afraid you will get AIDS when he comes home? I mean, all prisoners have sex with each other and share AIDS.
- Don’t you miss sex?
- What could you possibly see in a convict?
- Your kids are going to get TB from the visiting room
- Why in the world would you wait for a convict?
- There are lots of men who would be interested in you
Your visit just got started and your kids are acting up again. Everyone is looking at you and you are trying to decide what to do. Should you spank him, sit him in a chair, talk to him? You feel overwhelmed and intimated by all of the people watching you discipline your child. You think to yourself, “Maybe I should just let it go for now and deal with it later.” Then, he acts out even more
- You don’t seem desperate, but all the woman I know who are with an inmate are desperate
- I think women who send inmates money are complete idiots
- He is probably just using you to have a connection to the outside. It won’t last once he is out.
- It isn’t safe to visit a prison. I heard the men grab women and rape them in the bathroom.
- It’s not like he would wait for you if you were in prison
- You know some people think you are crazy for staying married to an inmate
- God doesn’t expect you to wait for him
- Only a terrible mother would take her children into a prison to visit anyone—even their father
- Only an idiot would accept collect calls from an inmate
- Who knows who he will be when he comes home. They all become hardened criminals in prison.
- I would never stick with a man who is in prison. I have way too much self-esteem for that.
- Wow! You don’t look like the wife of a convict
- I never would have guessed you were one of those women
- You really don’t mind being the wife of a criminal? I mean, doesn’t it bother you that people look down on you when they find out?
- You can do whatever you want while he is in prison and he would never know. Then why won’t you cheat on him?
- Normal woman don’t stay with men in prison
To sum it all up
And oh, so many more really stupid things that people have said to me. Thankfully, they do not define me or my family. We do. We get to choose what we listen to and take to heart, and what we just shake our heads at and then move on.
There will always be people who say dumb things, but you cannot let them or their opinions decide your path in life. I am so very glad I fought for my family. I am so grateful that I stood my ground and remained faithful to my husband. We were worth fighting for.
Stand your ground. Keep fighting for your legacy. Live your own life.
I am rooting for you!
Cathy