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Arguments with a Loved One


We as humans tend to find ourselves in arguments even with those we love. Sometimes the arguments are over trivial things and other times they can be over major issues. The trick in any argument is to keep a cool head because you don’t want to escalate the situation. So how do we avoid escalation in arguments?


One of the first things to do is to try to understand your loved one’s point of view. Ask yourself “why do they feel this way,” or “why do they think the way they do?” This can help you get a better understanding of your loved one’s thought process. Sometimes putting yourself in their shoes helps you see why they’re upset or why they have a different perspective than your own.



This one goes hand in hand with putting yourself in their shoes. Thinking before you speak helps you put your words together better. When we’re upset, it’s natural for us to say things in the heat of the moment that can lead to an even bigger argument. That’s typically just how being upset or angry works. However, you don’t want to say something you can’t take back. So it’s always good to really think out what you want to say or how you want to respond before you actually say it.


This is a tough one when the argument already involves someone being incredibly upset. It’s important to remember with your loved ones to not make it “you vs them,” but rather “us vs the problem.” Together you both can keep the argument civil and avoid escalation, but only if you communicate effectively and understand it’s about solving the problem, not winning the argument.


When we get into arguments, we tend to overlook the affection and love we have for someone. We can get so caught up in these emotionally charged fights that we say things we don’t mean and we do things we don’t really mean to do. This happens to the best of us, especially when one of us is really upset by the situation. However, it’s important to remind yourself and your partner too that despite the argument, you still love them. Don’t let them leave the argument with the assumption that you no longer love them and that is why you’re so upset. Make sure to say it out loud, so that there can be no false assumptions made during the argument. This will help avoid any future escalation.

Overall, arguments tend to almost always have some degree of escalation. The best way to avoid it is to remember these three simple tips. In addition, try to remember to act rationally rather than emotionally. They are someone you love, winning the argument isn’t as important as defeating the problem together.


  • Denise Payne
    Posted May 27, 2021 at 3:40 am

    My better half is taking a anger class now, these words are given to him about issues. Good thing to step back, but its a job its self to be marries to a inmate and seeing there side. But have learned it takes two for both sides. Keeping his world happy is hard enough, but what about him keeping up my world

  • Catherine Tijerina
    Posted May 27, 2021 at 6:02 pm

    Hi Denise-
    Communication is 2-ways, not just one. You are right in saying that it is hard work to keep his world happy. Focusing on just keeping him happy will be draining and will eventually suffocate your relationship. You both need to apply these principles so you can connect to each other, support each other and build a strong relationship across time. You cannot carry all of the weight or responsibility for your relationship. He needs to share in that responsibility. Together, you can make it.
    I am rooting for you

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