Going through a divorce or breakup can be hard. When there are children involved, the divorce can be even harder. In life, we all make choices, and sometimes we have to choose the hard ones. Rather than focusing on the hard and what went wrong, seek out the things that could go right for the benefit of your children. Your relationship may have come to an end, but your family did not. Your children still need you. There are many ways on how to benefit from your co-parenting relationship and mend your brokenness with your ex for the benefit of your children. Having both parents be an active role in their child’s life will benefit your child’s needs of stability, security, and relationship.
What is co-parenting?
According to Mr. Men’s Rights, co-parenting is a post-divorce parenting arrangement in which both parents tend to participate in their children’s upbringings. This involves work and effort from both parents in order to make this work.
Benefits for Children
When a family is going through a divorce and there are children involved, most of the time, the child is going to think that they are the problem. By providing a positive co-parenting relationship, the children are going to realize that they are more important than the conflict. Believe it or not, there are benefits when working with your ex for your child. Here are some provided by helpguide.
A feeling of security.
When the parents are both in the children’s lives, the children feel secure and confident that they have the community to have better self-esteem. The children also adjust to the divorce and new living situations.
A form of consistency.
Co-parenting promotes rule setting, discipline, and rewards between houses will help children know what to expect and what is expected by them.
Children are mentally and emotionally healthy.
Children who have parents who are civil with one another rather than show conflict are proven to be much healthier mentally. Children with parents who show conflict most likely struggle with anxiety and depression.
There are many co-parenting tips that promote a healthy and positive relationship.
- Set Boundaries. When it comes to co-parenting with your ex, there are going to be a lot of emotions that come into play. You may feel angry and have many emotions. This is why it is so important to set boundaries. Boundaries are rules that need to be followed by both parents in order for them to create a positive atmosphere for their children.
- Have a predetermined schedule. Another great co-parenting tip is to create a predetermined schedule. When there are dates set in stone, the arrangements and transition times of the child from each home goes smoother. The children will also know what to be expected of them and will fall into the habit of having a set routine.
- Be flexible. Flexibility is also important when having a routine in place. If something comes up in one home, the other can cover it. It is important to always be there for your children. Remember you are still a family unit.
- Communicate and Agree. Communication is also another great detail of a positive co-parent relationship. In any relationship, you should always communicate. Even though you are no longer together romantically, you should still communicate for the benefit of your children. Let your co-parent partner know how this week is going at your house. Let them know how the child is doing in school and vice versa.
- DO NOT engage in manipulation. When having to communicate and always be around an ex, it is hard. When being around an ex, it is easy to want to manipulate or talk negatively about him/her, however, it is not healthy. DO NOT do this around your children. Using your child as an outlet to talk negatively about their other parent is unfair to them. It is also important to not try and control what goes on in the other household either.
- Attend Events without tension. Another great co-parenting tip is to attend events with the other parent present without tension. Putting your child first and not worrying about what other people think will also show that you are able to put your differences aside as well.
- Having a positive relationship and co-parenting with an ex is not easy, however, if you work hard it is possible. Being able to put your differences aside and be there for your children while also recognizing the importance of the role of the opposite parent is so important for the benefit of children with divorced parents and broken homes.