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Is it right to wait for a man in jail

wait for your man in prison tyro blog

My answer may surprise you

I am asked by women from all over the world if it is right for them to wait for their man, who is in jail.  My answer might surprise you.  I always say, “No, don’t wait.”

Did this shock you?  So is every person who asks me that question. The next question is always, “Really? Why not?”  And this is the most important question to ask.  Your response to my answer to the second question will determine if your relationship will make it through the ultimate test of commitment and character, prison.

So here it is, my answer to why you should NOT wait for anyone who is in prison.

The definition of wait is, “to stay where one is, or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens.”  Waiting for someone to come home from jail or prison implies stopping any action until your man is released from prison.  Frankly, the worst thing you could do is to sit and do nothing.  If you do nothing, not only will you end up stuck in a terrible place in your own life, you will also end up losing your relationship.

Ron & Cathy Tijerina waiting for your mani in prison

Being faithful takes effort

So, while I am a huge advocate for fighting to keep your family together in spite of prison; I am not an advocate of just “waiting.” Being faithful and keeping your family intact takes a lot of effort.  It will not happen if you decide to delay moving forward in your own life until he is released from prison.  Faithfulness is choosing actions that help your relationship become stronger and healthier.   So, the question should not be whether it is right to wait, but rather whether it is right to remain faithful.  The answer to being faithful is: YES, it is “right” to be faithful to your man while he is in jail or prison.

Reset your relationship

This is an opportunity to reset your relationship and rebuild it on a solid foundation.  You will both have the time, and he will have the motivation, to work on making your relationship great.  I am a hug advocate of rescuing families impacted by incarceration.  I do not believe that there is any family or relationship that is disposable. Just because someone made a mistake does not mean that their life is over.  Many times, it can mean a fresh start and a brand new legacy built on trust, forgiveness, and hope.  Do not give up on your relationship just because he is in prison.  Instead, commit to building a better life together.

You will need to learn to love in a new way while he is in prison.  Communication will become your priority in order to connect to each other more intimately.  Talking together, getting to know each other at a deeper level, and learning how to use the time to build fortitude in your marriage will create bonds between you that you never dreamed were possible.

So, my advice to you is to roll up your sleeves and get to work on keeping your family together.  Do not give up, ignore people who don’t understand, and invest in creating a beautiful future together.

I am rooting for you!


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  • Tatum Rudge
    Posted May 27, 2020 at 4:03 pm

    Hi, I’m 18 years old I am currently in a situation like this one that you have posted. My boyfriend has went to prison, we haven’t found out how long he is going to be in there for. I would wait for him but I’m scared of what my parents and siblings are going to think of me. They already think it’s a bad idea. Because it is all a new thing which has happened I feel like the choice is to wait. But I honestly don’t know what to do

  • Catherine Tijerina
    Posted May 29, 2020 at 6:41 pm

    Hi Tatum!

    This is a really difficult decision and an important one. It is OK to be undecided and take it one day at a time. Watch for signals In your relationship that will help you know if it is a healthy one worth fighting for, or an unhealthy one that you should abandon. As the days go by, you will be able to decide if this is the life you want to live.
    I am praying for you and rooting for you!

  • Aeret
    Posted June 7, 2020 at 1:34 am

    Such great advice! I truly believe that a healthy relationship (that was healthy prior to imprisonment) is definitely worth fighting for. It surely is difficult. You face everything from sadness, judgement from others, and even feelings of self doubt. I found my true love and at almost a year into our relationship he was imprisoned. It’s something that took a toll on my heart and mind. Yet, I knew that in order to make everything work I must WORK. Putting in lots of effort, continuing our great communication with one another, and being open and honest of our expectations and commitments to one another in order to have our relationship flourish throughout his sentence as well as once he is back into my arms again. Once we established that earlier within his incarceration, now it’s just time to watch the months go by. Great post truly appreciate it. Keep up the great work.

    • catherine
      Posted June 17, 2020 at 9:44 am

      Aeret- This is so true! so glad to hear you are working to keep your relationship strong and vibrant. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

  • B
    Posted June 13, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    I’m glad I stumbled upon this blog. I actually found it searching for answers on how to get through this. I’m currently struggling with whether I want to continue this relationship without seeing other people. It’s been 3 years and we still may have 7 more to go depending on his appeal. The loneliness, anxiety, is starting to get to me really bad.

    • catherine
      Posted June 17, 2020 at 10:06 am

      Hello B(rave)-
      I am so sorry you are experiencing a “prison chapter” in your relationship. It is a very difficult journey. Your real choice is not whether you want to keep your relationship AND see other people. The decision is whether you want to continue the relationship with the man in prison. Seeing other people will complicate your life and severely damage your relationship with him. If loneliness is beginning to overtake you, and you want to save your relationship, you must start developing your interests and hobbies. Find ways to get involved in your community and contribute your time and efforts to causes you feel strongly about. The reward will be increased personal satisfaction, new friendships, and an outlet for the stress of having your man in prison. Only you can decide if your relationship is worth fighting for- but seeing other people while hanging on is a terrible idea. Decide to work hard on your current relationship, or walk away and start over.

  • I
    Posted June 23, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    Thank you so much… I really needed someone to tell me that now, when everyone is against us… He did something stupid, yes, but he is the same man who I fell inlove with. I needed that support so much, thank you!

    • catherine
      Posted October 26, 2020 at 6:15 pm

      Hang in there and keep working hard to build a strong, healthy relationship. Praying for strength, wisdom, and joy in the midst of the journey for you both!

  • Almost hopeless
    Posted August 6, 2020 at 2:29 am

    Hello. Thanks for the article. I think I know my answer, but there is so much doubt. I have every intention to stay the course. Only because that’s what I think I should do. But our relationship before incarceration was unhealthy.
    Our 7 year anniversary came while my husband is incarcerated. As of today, he has been away 7 months. I struggle with him being away because I do love him and I hate this for him. He will be 61 next month. It’s a bit complicated. I have left him several times while we dated and I have left him atleast 2 times since we have been married. We would fight. Not often…but more than any happy couple should fight. I would usually hit him first. He would always hit me back and call it self defense. Ok. That could have been true (other than the fact that, I can’t hurt I believed..but he said my licks hurt). So I made my mind up… I will not hit him ever again. So if he only defends himself, if I keep my hands to myself..then there will be no fights. I was wrong. The 1st time he hit me first, I was driving and fussing about something….he just beating me in my head. I didn’t even hit him back. #1 I was trying to keep the truck on the road and #2 I vowed not to hit him any more. From that, I knew it was not just him defending himself. So I got my ducks in a row. I got a job, bought me a car and prepared to leave for good. The incident happened in February. I moved out in April of the same year. He would call and text and I would respond sometimes, regrettably because we would always end up fussing. So finally, he came up to my job. While he was there, he asked about our baby. I told him to leave and I would call him after work. Well he was pissed. He began beating me in my head. Finally he pushed me down and he left. Well another individual got hurt on the job that night. He was accused of hitting the other person. He didn’t do that….but that is what he was charged with. He was eventually arrested. I bailed him out and we began to work on us, sorta. The honeymoon did not last long. But I kept trying to work on our marriage. Fast forward to trial. He was convicted and was given a lot of time because his sentence was enhanced due to his prior convictions. Now, I feel some what at peace now that he is gone. I want to do my part and work at this marriage. He says all the things he thinks he should say. He is very apologetic about all the abuse (mental, emotional and physical).. I don’t know if it’s only because he is there…but I hope for the best and I stick with him. I make sure he has money… I make sure to write. We write daily..he use to call daily, but he says the phones are not working in his building. I can’t visit because there is no visitation due to COVID19. But when there was visitation and when it returns, I will visit every single time he can get visitors. I would never kick him while he is down. I don’t plan on being unfaithful…but I do believe, I stay only because it’s easier. I would not be able to face myself if I left him without my support. I have forgiven him. I hope I have painted the picture clear enough. There are so many more levels to our relationship. I pray for our marriage. I believe God can turn things around. I also believe things fell into place the way they did because the Lord knew I would not ever leave him for good and I needed to. I don’t know. Sorry this is so long.

  • catherine
    Posted August 7, 2020 at 3:08 pm

    Dear Almost Hopeless-
    I am so sorry to hear of all you have been through. Prison is so hard on families and takes a toll on relationships that were solid before prison. It is even more difficult for families that were not healthy prior to the incarceration. You are right, God can do anything. I am a firm believer in miracles. I am also an advocate for wisdom. Proverbs teaches us a lot about wisdom.
    You are doing the right thing by considering all of your options carefully. I would encourage you to really think about what you want and about your safety and your baby’s safety. Set clear boundaries and communicate them to your husband. In making the decision to stay or leave, you will need to consider whether he is truly making progress and changing for the better. You cannot change him, but you can build a healthy foundation for you and your baby. If he takes advantage of this time to become better, deal with his anger and transform his life, you will make it. If not, you cannot continue your journey with him.
    Are there healthy relationship programs you can take together virtually? Can you encourage him to take Domestic Violence or Intimate Partner Violence programming to help him learn to self-regulate and manage his anger?
    Hitting anyone for any reason is NEVER acceptable. If you can rebuild your marriage together with a zero tolerance for violence– great!! If not, you cannot stay in a relationship with someone who is violent.
    Pease reach out to me for more resources to help you address the DV and navigate through this season in your life.
    I am rooting for you!

  • Gabriela
    Posted September 5, 2020 at 1:18 am

    Hey there! My boyfriend of three years is going to jail for probably 6 months, much much much better than what he was originally facing- even though that still isn’t for sure, I’m hopeful!

    But I’m quite overwhelmed, he’s been in the process of taking over a business since he’s been arrested and released on bail, and while he’s in, I’ll be taking care of his kids and that business and also working another job, things are gonna be quite crazy for awhile! I have no doubt in my faith towards him, I more so struggle with my confidence in being able hold everything down while he’s gone. I’m nervous for the future and his sentencing is coming up, it’s been five months since his hurdle with the law. We’ve both been so so busy trying to establish ourselves in a new town, (the day after we signed the lease in our new town he was arrested) we’ve been trying super hard to save up too and all that fun stuff, I’m scared!! Haha. He’s been a spectacular person for me in my life and he’s been my main supporter, confidence booster, lover, ground and everything and this coming up is really gonna challenge me in my capability to do the same for him. I appreciate this blog post so much though, and sorry for venting I haven’t really spoke much about this situation!

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted September 17, 2020 at 11:41 pm

      It sounds like you are facing a big challenge. The bigger the challenge, the more courage you need to tackle it. The best advice I can give you is to not worry about what you don’t know- do what you know to do. Experience is the best teacher. You have an incredible opportunity to establish a new legacy. I encourage you to keep working hard, keep dreaming big, and keep living out your destiny. It won’t be easy, but it will be so worth it. You are up for the challenge!

  • Mayetta Gaskins
    Posted September 6, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    I am in the same boat. My boyfriend is in prison for 14 more years. Thats a long time. When he gets out he will be 41 and ill be 39. Yes I missed my glory years but I don’t care. The love we have is a unconditional and rare love. Ill never feel like this about someone else again. I’d rather wait 14 years and have him home for the other 60 then move on now and never have him again. He is well worth the wait. Till he gets out I focus on my kids and on my career.

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted September 17, 2020 at 11:49 pm

      Mayetta- you are so right. Just because he is in prison doesn’t mean you can’t build a life together. While you invest in your career and children, you can also invest in your relationship. Create memories together, and strengthen your relationship. You will find that in spite of the pain, it is a beautiful journey together. I am rooting for you!

  • Levisha Wilson
    Posted September 21, 2020 at 12:37 am

    I’m in the same boat I really don’t know how long he has I just pray he doesn’t have to do any time but he tells me to just move on with my life and be happy but i really don’t know what to do at this point some tells me to stay n wait I’ve waited all these years why leave now. Any advice

    • catherine
      Posted October 26, 2020 at 6:19 pm

      Hi, Levisha!
      If you know you can build a strong, healthy relationship with him,…. you should keep investing in this relationship and build for your future together. Waiting because that is what you have always done is not the right answer. Write down reasons you stay and what you dream of for your future together. Share your dreams with him and start working on making a legacy together.
      If the only reason you are in the relationship is because you have been for so long, but your relationship is toxic, then you should be able to see that when you make your lists.
      I am rooting for you!

  • Adriana
    Posted October 24, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    I’m 25 years old the guy I was in a relationship for 5 months until he got sent to prison it’s been 8, months since he’s been gone.
    when he first got into prison he would msg me and tell me he wants to marry me he wants me and only me hes coming home to just me, that he wants to be with me forever . etc. lately he hasn’t been saying those things now hes saying let’s take it day by day , we will see what happens or whatever happens , he don’t talk about the future with me anymore . everytime he’s sad or in his feelings about being in prison he takes it out on me. I have 3 kids from someone else he has no kids . he also mention that he wants kids of his own . I never knew that . I can’t have anymore kids. he’s basically saying everything I don’t wanna hear he’s making me feel like there is someone else. he don’t give me reassurance anymore . I don’t feel like he loves me the same. I can’t say I’m happy cause I’m not . I don’t wanna give up on us but how can I be happy when I don’t even feel the love from him …I don’t know what to do . I care and love him I don’t wanna hurt him . but I’m hurting myself because I don’t wanna let go . I wanna be with him but I don’t feel like he knows exactly what he wants anymore ….

    • catherine
      Posted October 26, 2020 at 6:25 pm

      Hi, Adriana-
      First I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. This is really a hurtful time. But, I want to remind you that this is just temporary. The most important skill you must develop in your relationship is open communication. You must tell him how you are feeling and why, and what you are thinking. I recommend that you write it all down in a letter and then schedule a visit with him to talk about the issues. Do not take the kids to this visit. Find out what he is thinking and what his plans are for the future. if you are not up for taking it a day at a time, tell him that. Whatever happens, you will be more at peace knowing what you are working toward for your future.
      I am praying for you and rooting for you!

  • jailaid
    Posted October 29, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    Absolutely! When my then-fiance was sentenced to five years in prison, I didn’t realize that I was receiving a sentence of shame. While he was incarcerated (for a crime committed years before we met), shame consumed me, and I hid behind my mask for as long as I could. Shame is so blinding that you don’t realize how crazy you look in the middle of it.

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted November 10, 2020 at 10:45 pm

      Thanks for this insightful comment. This is so true! The clarity and freedom on the other side of Shame are life-changing. Keep pressing on and leading well!

  • M
    Posted November 9, 2020 at 10:16 am

    My fiancé left abruptly a couple of weeks ago. He just slid a break-up letter under the door one day and blocked all forms of communication. Despite knowing that I have BPD. Two days later, I found out that I am pregnant. I have a 2 year old I am the sole caregiver for from a previous relationship. I managed to tell him when he came to collect his things that same day I had found out. He left and blocked all contact again. There were already a lot of external challenges in our relationship that we have had to overcome. Such as The judgment from our families over his two children and my son, his previous marriage, I am 22 and he is 29, I am Métis and he is Nigerian, he is Christian and I am Buddhist. Today I got a call from his best friend stating that he is in prison and will be for the next year or so, at least. I have no idea what he was convicted for or any of the details. He won’t be here for the birth of our child or able to support our family. How do I not let the stress and tension to come ruin everything we’ve fought for?

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted November 10, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Dear M-
      I am so sorry to hear of the very difficult situation you are facing. Most importantly, take some time to decide what you want for your future. Do you want to pursue a relationship with him? Or will you and your children be better off moving forward without him? If you decide to pursue the relationship, you should start by finding out where he is and then writing a letter to him sharing your feelings.
      I remember well when Ron had to return to prison while I was pregnant with our daughter. It will be a challenging journey, but well worth the investment of courage that will take you to the other side of this chapter in your life.
      No matter what decision you make in your relationship, here are 3 things that will help you move forward and build a strong foundation for your family:
      1. Start a gratefulness journal. Write down 40 things you are grateful for every day.
      2. Connect to someone who can help you set and reach one important goal every month.
      3. Find something fun to do with your son every day to keep joy in the middle of your journey and build resiliency.
      I am rooting for you!

  • Julie
    Posted December 17, 2020 at 6:39 am

    Hi Catherine!

    Not sure if you will see this but if you do your insight will mean the world. I just turned 27 years old and my boyfriend 29. He lives in the US and I in Canada. We will almost be together 1 year in March. We have spent a reasonable amount of time together considering it’s a pandemic and we are long distance but still not the same amount of time as two people that live in the same country. Regardless of distance our bond and relationship is so great! We talk all the time and have established such an amazing connection. However, he is facing most likely 3 years in prison and that will probably start within the next couple of months. I am conflicted because I really do want to wait for him and i see the potential for a beautiful future together. he is so awesome. he just needs some guidance and a light at the end of the tunnel and i can really see his life turning around after this and if i were to stick by him. i myself am recently divorced and am not in a rush to get married or have kids anyways. while he’s gone i can focus on myself and rebuilding my life, discovering more about myself etc. the only thing i feel conflicted about is that this is all happening so soon and i have to make such a hard decision to stick by him for years while he’s in prison while we technically are still getting to know eachother and haven’t known each other for years either. I think love is always a risk and you could be married to someone for ten years and something like this happens but i’m just scared. What if a year and a half in i change my mind and he feels abandoned? My mom is really supportive of me staying with him because she thinks he is a great guy who just is a product of his environment. I do feel I will be judged and that most people would tell me to just move on and that i “deserve better” I know now i want to be with him but just want to know if i am crazy for potentially sacrificing more of my prime years for this. thank you for listening and for your time. i appreciate any thoughts! – Julie 🙂

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted January 15, 2021 at 8:51 am

      Hi, Julie!
      Thank you for reaching out and sharing your struggle. It is a tough circumstance. However, I want to encourage you to be upfront with the man you are dating. Tell him you care deeply about him and can envision a beautiful future together, but that you are also concerned about the journey and its potential impact on your relationship. I would suggest that you follow your convictions and continue to take a day at a time exploring this relationship’s potential. You do not need to commit to waiting, or staying in the relationship for the next 3 years. It would be silly for anyone to ask that of you in a normal dating relationship. Imagine someone asking you to promise not to break up with them for at least 3 years while dating. Weird, right? Apply that same principle here. Commit to continue to get to know each other and explore the possibilities of your relationship. It really is OK to go into this next season knowing there is the possibility that it won’t work, as well as the possibility that this could be the next step in a lifelong relationship together.
      I am rooting for you!

  • Jessica
    Posted January 7, 2021 at 10:58 pm

    I met the love of my life almost 5 years ago. 2 years ago, a completely unfounded accusation was lodged against him. Despite no evidence, some highly suspicious circumstances about the “victim” (financial gain being a particularly high and realistic motive), shoddy and biased investigation work, etc., he was arrested over a year and a half ago, and has been out on bail. I have no idea how to navigate this or who to talk to. I’ve been struggling for nearly 2 years now. I’m dumbfounded there are so few resources easily available for people like me… Our close friends and family all support him, and us. There’s been very few people in our lives that express doubt in his innocence, and coincidentally, those people all have something to gain by NOT believing him. I’m terrified of him going to prison. If he does I doubt it will be a short stint. I can’t find any comfort in “he made a mistake” because I would bet my life he didn’t do what he’s being accused of, as do many others given the lacking credibility of the prosecuting side of things, and what a kind and amazing person he is… I’m praying that this will resolve itself, that we can get our lives back and move on, but I lack faith in our “justice” system. I’m scared to be hopeful. He’s an incredible person… No one else could hold a candle to him. But covid has dragged out court proceedings and living every day like it’s your last together is agony. It’s horrible. I want a resolution to this, but I want as much time with him as I can get. When he was arrested, our 1.5 year-old dog was depressed and sick the total of 3-4 days he was in jail. Cleaning up puppy vomit under your bed at 3am while being terrified the love of your life’s going to be attacked or worse and there’s nothing you can do about it is traumatizing. Watching him get dragged out of the house when were both half asleep was traumatizing. Being demanded by cops if w head firearms in the house was traumatizing. We already had told them months ago we don’t have guns nor do we particularly like them either. Living with fear for years on end for his personal safety is something I don’t know how I’ll survive. I still jump out of my skin when the door knocks or the doorbell rings. ever since my partners arrest, our dog is anxious every time my partner is out of sight…. If he goes away for a long time I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage my own broken heart, his family’s broken heart, a depressed dog, and me being unable to ever experience
    a normal married life with a family we both wanted so much together. He’s been the best support I’ve ever had. He’s been my biggest advocate, cheerleader, and comfort since we met. I’m disgusted that this is happening to us, and to him. I can’t compare my life to others anymore, but I cry so often that our immediate future (and possibly long term) was stolen from us that I just feel dead inside. I’m now 28. We were supposed to get engaged 2 years ago, but after this shit storm started our future together has ground to a halt. Watching our close friends and family getting married, or start their own families has created a lot of anger and resentment for me. When I hear people complain of wedding ceremony postponements, unglamorous baby showers or missed vacations due to Covid I want to slap them. They’re lucky to have the option of doing anything at all. I’m completely lost. I’ve spent 2 years trying to come up with a game plan for about 6 different what if my life turns to shit scenarios, and none of them are great. Any words of wisdom or comfort for people who know what this feels like would be appreciated.

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted January 15, 2021 at 9:16 am

      Hi, Jessica-
      What a difficult situation. I know the pain of waiting, and the pain of separation. Every day is bittersweet. I know you are longing for an end to this, and yet dreading the possible outcome. Unless someone lives through this experience, they have no idea how disruptive it is to be caught up in the justice system. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give you an easy answer, but I cannot. The hard truth is that life will be challenging if you decide to stay with your partner until this is resolved. I really hope he has a great lawyer. A good lawyer can make a huge difference. As you consider your options, it is OK to take a day at a time. If you are sure you want to be married, get married. Do not let this keep you from moving forward with your life more than necessary. If you are up for the possibility of raising a baby by yourself while he is in prison, go ahead and start your family. Do not let the system rob you of the possibilities for your future. Navigating through prison and reentry is hard work- but if you are both completely committed to your relationship and building a life together it is worth the effort. Guard yourself against letting this define your life and your relationship. Most importantly, Trust your gut. No one can make this decision for you, but you. Keep your head up and start looking for opportunities you can pursue in order to build the best life you can whether he goes to prison or not– and whether you stay together or not. Take some training, look for employment advancement, start a business, start learning about investing, learn a new skill or hobby. Pick something you are interested in, set a goal and start working on reaching that goal. These things will help you keep your focus and maintain your mental health.
      I am rooting for you!

  • How to deal
    Posted March 23, 2021 at 9:34 pm

    I met the love of my life about three years ago. The relationship we have is a special kind of bond and love that some people don’t even ever get to experience. He’s already done 2 years and we just got words that it’s probably going to be 14. I know I want to stay with him it makes me sick to even think about moving on. I’m nervous about dealing with the judgement that will come when I tell my loved ones/ family that I am waiting. Don’t know how and don’t know how to deal with it. I’m scared and sad this has happened, but I know I will never love anyone the way I love him. Any advice on how to tell loved ones/deal with judgement and people not understanding?

  • Kara
    Posted July 30, 2021 at 6:37 pm

    Thank you for posting this. I am currently in the same situation. My husband has been sentenced to two years. His prison time began in April of this year. I’ve been a complete basket case since he left, but with every new day, I have to remind myself this too shall pass. Its a very hard to deal with something like this when your husband was the bread winner of the household. Now I’m left to pick up the pieces and move on to keep our family together. Some days I feel so alone, but my friends and family have stepped up to make sure I’m going to get through this. I

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted August 4, 2021 at 4:17 am

      Hi Kara,
      Thank you for your comment on this blog. I am so glad to hear that you have support around you as you go through this extraordinarily difficult season. Hang in there and keep your eyes on the big picture of what you are building for your future. You are a warrior, fighting for your family legacy.
      I am rooting for you,

  • Melodie Michelle
    Posted October 19, 2021 at 10:23 am

    It isn’t hard to be faithful to someone whether or not they are in jail. When it’s true love being faithful is easy and everything in your relationship falls together nicely. You don’t argue, you discuss, you don’t call each other names because you respect each other, you’ve also got to love and respect yourself first before you can love and respect anyone else!

    God bless you;-)

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted October 21, 2021 at 5:46 pm

      This is so true! Thanks for sharing your insights.
      I am rooting for you-

  • Lia
    Posted December 6, 2021 at 5:00 am

    I have a friend who is in jail and has been there for a year now. He is still awaiting trial and I have no idea how much longer the wait could be. We’ve been friends for two years; feelings have developed deeper over the year and stronger over the past couple of months. I’ve always been willing to be there for him and I want to continue to do so, while also making sure to uphold my own passions, goals and strengths. I want to be able to lift him up as well, as I’ve always done. But…I’m scared because I know this process will hurt. There’s certain decisions and sacrifices I will have to now make in order to satisfy my own happiness as well as his (not to say that I will change my whole life around for him, but I do care for him a lot — him being happy and me being there to support him is something that will make me happy). I overthink a lot and question my decisions…so it’s hard for me to tell myself that I’m doing the right things sometimes. I don’t want to make the wrong decisions or come off to strong..but I do want to continue to be there and develop our relationship…I don’t know if any of that made ANY sense.

    • Catherine Tijerina
      Posted December 6, 2021 at 7:24 pm

      Hi Lia-
      Yes, it makes perfect sense. Building a relationship and committing is a big decision at any time. It is especially complicated when the person we care about is in prison. If this person is also willing to provide support to you and to put in the effort to build a healthy, lasting relationship – it can become a beautiful partnership across your lives. The only way to know is to take one day at a time together. If the relationship is healthy and challenges you both to become better, it is worth the sacrifices and investment. If it becomes toxic and unhealthy and stays that way, it is time to walk away.
      I am rooting for you-

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